I want to know more about family and domestic violence

What Is Family and Domestic Violence?

Family and domestic violence happens when a partner or family member uses a pattern of abusive behaviour to make you feel afraid or to control your actions. It’s about one person using their power to dominate or control another.

While it can involve physical acts – like hitting, pushing, smashing things, or locking you in your home — family and domestic violence is not just physical. It can include a range of coercive and controlling behaviours, such as:

• Stopping you from seeing family or friends, or accessing support
• Constantly checking on your whereabouts, activities, or who you talk to
• Threatening to hurt you, your children, loved ones, or pets
• Pressuring or forcing you to engage in unwanted sexual activities
• Controlling all the money or managing all the financial decisions
• Constant criticism, name-calling, or humiliation

These behaviours can be just as harmful as physical violence.

Everyone has the right to feel safe and live free from violence and fear.

Family and domestic violence can look like:

Threats – your partner may threaten to take away your children or report you to authorities
Surveillance and monitoring – constantly checking your location, phone, or online activity
Legal abuse – misusing legal systems to control you (e.g., false reports, dragging out court cases)
Psychological abuse – gaslighting (making you doubt your own memory, perception, or sanity)
Physical violence – hitting, slapping, choking, pushing, or using physical force to cause pain, injury or fear
Isolation – preventing you from seeing family or friends, attending work or school, or having social support
Intimidation – displaying weapons or destroying property
Emotional abuse – name-calling, blaming and shaming
Using children – using contact visits to harass or force children to relay messages or spy on you
Financial abuse – refusing to give you any money, controlling all the money
Sexual assault – being forced or pressured to engage in sexual activity without your full, ongoing consent
Spiritual abuse – stopping you from practising your beliefs
Technology facilitated abuse – using technology to threaten, control, stalk, or harass you
Visa abuse – using the fact that you don’t have permanent residency or citizenship as a way to control you.
Verbal abuse – put-downs and humiliation

How Can Family and Domestic Violence Affect Me?

Experiencing family and domestic violence can affect every part of your life — not just your physical safety, but your emotional wellbeing, self-esteem, and ability to cope day to day.

You might feel:

• Powerless, afraid, or isolated
• Anxious, depressed, or overwhelmed
• Confused – especially if your partner is sometimes kind or loving
• Ashamed or embarrassed, as if the abuse is somehow your fault
• Angry, frustrated, or constantly on edge
• Guilty for thinking about leaving, or afraid of what might happen if you do
• Worried about money, housing, or how you’ll cope alone
• Like you’ve tried everything, and nothing seems to help

These are normal and valid responses to trauma, not signs of weakness or failure. Family and domestic violence often involves emotional manipulation, fear, and isolation — all of which can leave you feeling exhausted or unsure of yourself.

“I thought I was going crazy until I spoke with you. Now I understand how family and domestic violence has affected me and my feelings are normal.” – DVassist client

“This has clicked something inside me that has made me feel even more clarity around the fear, and how it seems irrational to outsiders.” – DVassist client

Some people also experience:

• Panic attacks
• Insomnia or nightmares
• A deep sense of sadness or emotional numbness
• Trouble concentrating or making decisions

You Are Not Alone

These feelings are real, and you are not to blame. You are not defined by what’s happening to you — and you are not alone. With the right support, recovery and healing are possible.

You deserve safety, respect, and support, no matter your situation or the choices you’ve made to be safe.

When you’re ready, help is available.

DVassist: 1800 080 083

The Power and Control Wheel

Family and domestic violence can take many forms — not just physical violence. It often involves a range of behaviours used to exert power and control over another person in a relationship.

The Power and Control Wheel, developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (Duluth Model), is a visual tool that illustrates the common tactics used by people who use violence and abuse. These tactics may include emotional, financial, psychological, sexual, and other non-physical forms of abuse.

The wheel helps explain that family and domestic violence is not only about isolated incidents, but often follows a pattern of coercion, manipulation, and control.

Reference: Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth Model

If you recognise any of these behaviours shown in the wheel, we encourage you to contact a support service.

The Equality Wheel

While the Power and Control Wheel shows the tactics used in abusive relationships, the Equality Wheel represents the qualities of a healthy, respectful relationship. It highlights behaviours based on mutual respect, trust, and non-violence.

This tool was also developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (Duluth Model) and is often used in conjunction with the Power and Control Wheel to help individuals understand what a safe and supportive relationship should look like.

The Equality Wheel shows that healthy relationships are grounded in:

• Nonviolence
• Mutual respect
• Support and trust
• Honest and open communication
• Equality in decision-making
• Shared responsibilities
• Respect for boundaries
• Accountability

These values apply to all relationships — including romantic partnerships, family connections, friendships, and co-parenting arrangements.

Reference: Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth Model

Warning Signs Early in a Relationship

While every experience of abuse is unique, there are common warning signs that may indicate controlling or coercive behaviour early in a relationship. These non-violent behaviours often precede more overt forms of abuse or family and domestic violence.

Some early warning signs to watch for include (but are not limited to):

• Love bombing – This is overly affectionate or attentive behaviour early in the relationship designed to lower your defences and create an intense emotional connection quickly.
• Feeling like you can’t say no – If you feel pressured or unable to set boundaries, this could be a red flag.
• Lack of accountability – Your partner refuses to admit when they’re wrong and consistently blames others.
• Rushing commitment – Pushing for a quick commitment or moving in together early can be a way to gain control.
• Isolation from loved ones – Criticising or discouraging your relationships with friends and family to make you more dependent on them.
• Disregard for your perspective – Dismissing your opinions or logic when it doesn’t align with theirs.
• Attempts to change you – Pushing you to change aspects of yourself, your appearance, or your lifestyle.
• Constant criticism – Making you feel inadequate or unworthy through frequent criticism.
• Unrealistic expectations – Demanding too much from the relationship or expecting you to fulfil all of their emotional needs.
• Threats of abandonment – Using threats to leave as a way to manipulate or control.
• Jealousy and accusations – Displaying unfounded jealousy or accusing you of cheating without cause.
• Monitoring behaviour – Excessive calling, tracking your whereabouts, or checking your phone without consent.

Recognising these signs early can help you take a step back, reassess the relationship, and proceed with caution. Trust your instincts – healthy relationships are based on respect, trust, and mutual support.

Am I Experiencing Family and Domestic Violence?

It’s not always easy to recognise the early and subtle signs of abuse – particularly when there is no physical violence. Controlling and manipulative behaviour often begins in indirect ways that may seem caring or protective at first. These behaviours are usually intended to build control by creating dependence, rather than through direct force.

All close relationships — including those with partners, family members, or others — can involve occasional conflict or disagreement. However, when a pattern of behaviour consistently undermines your independence, emotional safety, or connection to others, it may be a sign of coercive or controlling behaviour — and an indication that you may be experiencing family and domestic violence.

The following two-minute quiz may assist you in identifying whether you are experiencing controlling or harmful behaviour that may indicate family and domestic violence. Please note that the quiz is provided as a guide only and should not be used as a substitute for seeking professional advice.

Am I Experiencing Controlling or Harmful Behaviour?

Your Results

If you answered “Yes” to any of the quiz questions, it may mean you are experiencing controlling or coercive behaviours — key indicators of family and domestic violence. These behaviours can significantly impact your emotional well-being, independence, and sense of safety, even in the absence of physical violence.

It’s important to remember:

• These feelings and experiences are valid.
• You deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported in your relationships.
• Recognising these signs is a courageous and important first step.

Where to Get Help

You don’t have to face this alone. Support is available if you want to talk confidentially, seek advice, or find services in your area.

For more information, resources, and guidance on how to seek safety and access support for family and domestic violence, please visit:

Find Support Services

Local support services are available if you need help with family and domestic violence.

If you are in immediate danger, please contact 000.

Help for people experiencing family and domestic violence:

1800 RESPECT (24 hours, 7 days per week): 1800 737 732

Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 007 339

Men’s Domestic Violence Helpline: 1800 000 599

Crisis Care: 1800 199 008 (after-hours response)

CWSW Directory (to find your local specialist family and domestic violence agency): https://cwsw.org.au/directory/family-and-domestic-violence-services/

DVassist: 1800 080 083