Sometimes it is hard to know whether what you are experiencing in a relationship is normal or not. Healthy relationships are based on equality, fairness, trust and partnership, whilst unhealthy relationships can involve the use of various tactics to achieve power, control and dominance.
Unhealthy Relationships – The Power and Control Wheel
Family and domestic violence can take many forms — not just physical violence. It often involves a range of behaviours used to exert power and control over another person in a relationship.
The Power and Control Wheel, developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (Duluth Model), is a visual tool that illustrates the common tactics used by people who use violence and abuse. These tactics may include emotional, financial, psychological, sexual, and other non-physical forms of abuse.
The wheel helps explain that family and domestic violence is not only about isolated incidents, but often follows a pattern of coercion, manipulation, and control.
Healthy Relationships – The Equality Wheel
While the Power and Control Wheel shows the tactics used in abusive relationships, the Equality Wheel represents the qualities of a healthy, respectful relationship. It highlights behaviours based on mutual respect, trust, and non-violence.
This tool was also developed by the Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (Duluth Model) and is often used in conjunction with the Power and Control Wheel to help individuals understand what a safe and supportive relationship should look like.
The Equality Wheel shows that healthy relationships are grounded in:
- Nonviolence
- Mutual respect
- Support and trust
- Honest and open communication
- Equality in decision-making
- Shared responsibilities
- Respect for boundaries
- Accountability
These values apply to all relationships — including romantic partnerships, family connections, friendships, and co-parenting arrangements.
Reference: Domestic Abuse Intervention Programs (DAIP), Duluth Model
If you find yourself relating to the ‘unhealthy relationship’ wheel more, you might be experiencing family and domestic violence. Recognising that you are in an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult, but is a big step forward. It is important to start seeking help and support for yourself and/or your children.
You don’t have to face this alone. Support is available if you want to talk confidentially, seek advice, or find services in your area.
For more information, resources, and guidance on how to seek safety and access support for family and domestic violence, please visit:
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