Amy’s Story: When isolation becomes entrapment
It was 17 years before Amy was able to reach out to a specialist family and domestic violence service. For almost two decades, she and her children lived under the constant control of her partner, who used a wide range of abusive and coercive tactics to maintain power over her and keep her trapped in fear.
Amy never experienced physical violence from her partner, but the coercive control never let up—it stripped her of her choices, autonomy, and independence.
Living on a remote rural property 40 km from the nearest town and over 420 km from a regional centre with specialist support, Amy’s isolation wasn’t just geographical—it was also emotional, social, and financial. Even when she recognised that what was happening wasn’t right, the distance and her partner’s deliberate strategies made it incredibly hard to imagine a way out.
Amy’s experience of family and domestic violence isn’t uncommon—especially in rural and remote parts of Western Australia. Her husband had placed all finances in his name. She was given a small amount of cash each week to buy groceries, only allowed to shop at a specific store in town and was constantly questioned about every purchase.
Access to a vehicle was rarely possible. He would hide the car keys and insist that she had misplaced them, or he would lock the fuel pump so that even if she did find the keys, she couldn’t leave.
The only phone in the home was shared—and her partner took it with him most days, leaving her and the children completely cut off from the outside world. With no internet service on the property and restrictions on accessing the computer at the local community resource centre, Amy was blocked from almost every avenue of help. If a neighbour dropped in, her partner would ensure she wasn’t alone or would later punish her for speaking with them. Over time, Amy stopped trying to connect with anyone at all.
Her movements were closely monitored, and she was made to feel like any attempt to seek help would result in punishment—or worse, that no one would believe her. “If you leave, you’ll lose the kids,” he’d say. Or “Out here, no one cares. There’s nowhere to run.” These weren’t just words—they were methods of control.
Amy and her children did eventually find safety and are now on the road to recovery. Her story is an important one to share, as it shows how abusers use isolation as a control tactic—and how it deeply impacts a woman’s ability to seek help, leading her to feel alone, hopeless, and completely entrapped.
What is isolation in the context of family and domestic violence?
Family and domestic violence is often associated with visible harm, but one of its most hidden and harmful tactics is isolation. For many women living in regional, rural, and remote areas, isolation isn’t just a consequence of geography—it is a deliberate and strategic tool used by abusers to maintain control.
Understanding how isolation works is a powerful first step toward reclaiming connection and safety.
Isolation in family and domestic violence isn’t just about being physically alone. It’s about being made to feel alone. Abusers may:
- Control who their partner speaks to
- Restrict access to transport or communication devices
- Monitor calls, texts, or internet activity
- Discourage or punish social contact
- Spread misinformation to damage the partner’s reputation
This form of control cuts women off from emotional, practical, and social support—lifelines that help them recognise abuse and take steps to protect themselves and their children.
Isolation can lead to self-blame
When someone is isolated, they lose access to outside perspectives that help validate their experiences and provide a broader understanding. Without the voices of trusted friends, family, or support workers, it becomes easier to internalise the abuser’s manipulation.
Women may begin to believe:
- “Maybe I am overreacting.”
- “This is just what relationships are like.”
- “If I were a better partner, maybe this wouldn’t happen.”
This erosion of confidence and trust in one’s own judgment is a calculated part of the abuse. It’s not weakness—it’s a response to coercive control.
Why isolation keeps women from reaching out
Isolation isn’t just a side effect of abuse—it’s a strategy. By keeping women disconnected, abusers increase dependence and reduce the likelihood of help-seeking.
Without safe, trusted connections, many women:
- Feel like they’re the only one going through this
- Worry that they won’t be believed
- Doubt their ability to survive on their own
- Stay in unsafe situations for longer due to fear or shame
How to reconnect and seek support safely
No one should have to face abuse alone. If you or someone you know is experiencing isolation as part of family and domestic violence, and coercive control, please know: you are not to blame, and support is available.
Here are some steps you can take to begin reconnecting safely:
- Reach out to someone you trust, even if it’s been a while—a friend, relative, or neighbour who can listen without judgment.
- Contact a specialist counselling or support service that offers confidential phone or online sessions. DVassist is one such specialist counselling service that understands the challenges of family and domestic violence in regional, rural and remote settings.
- Use technology with care — delete your call logs or browser history after accessing support websites and consider using apps or devices with privacy protections. For further support with technology, visit the eSafety Commissioner website https://www.esafety.gov.au/women/reduce-technology-facilitated-abuse
- Call a FREE helpline to speak anonymously with a trained professional. Call 1800 RESPECT 1800 737 732 or Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline 1800 007 339
- Create a safety plan, with the help of a support service, for how you could seek help, stay safe, or leave safely when the time is right for you. Read our SAFETY PLANNING section on our website.
Finally, please know that isolation is not something you choose—it is a tactic of abuse designed to make you feel invisible and powerless. But there is strength in reconnection, even if it starts with just one small, safe conversation.
DVassist Counselling